Nov 12_family

I’m Michelle ~

I love to dream big dreams and pursue them.  When I was nineteen, I enrolled in a local college and several years later landed my dream job as a nurse in an intensive care unit.  Two years later, another dream came true when I married the man who changed my mind about staying single for life.  Two handsome boys and a darling baby girl have made me a mother.  IVs and EKG’s gave way to sippy cups and block towers.  Through the ache of loss, I learned that some dreams have to end in order to let others begin.  I could be a nurse or I could be a stay at home mom and I chose the latter.  More dreams came true.  A few years down the road my sister and I self-published the book for new brides we’d co-authored.  That same year, two children’s books I wrote were published.  Through heartbreaking tears, I learned that dreams don’t always come true, no matter how hard we pursue them.  Two miscarriages and years of secondary infertility are redefining our dreams into the family God has chosen for us.  David and I dreamed of building our own home and after a year of sweat, aching muscles, and the lack of any kind of quality life, we moved into our home.  We thought we were there to stay.

I still dream.  Someday I want to manage a cafe / bakery that provides delicious allergy friendly menu items in a hip environment so that families like ours can still grab a bite to eat or order a ready made birthday cake.

Someday I want to go back to school.

Someday I want to live in Paris for three months.

I want to have another baby.

But even more than that, I want to know Jesus so much that I am just like Him.  I long for holiness and healing in the deepest places in my soul.

A few years back, David and I began longing to know God and His truth much more intimately.  It wasn’t an immediate earthquake and it certainly didn’t sanctify us overnight.  Instead, for a long time, things seemed to get uglier.  But the longing became more intense and ever so slowly, God began turning our dreams inside out.

So it was that in 2012 we rented out our home and moved to Allegany Boys Camp in Maryland because our longing to be obedient to God was louder than our dreams.  For me, the change temporarily shattered almost every aspect of the life I’d known and loved.  While David had previously been a counsellor at Bald Eagle Boys Camp and been on the board at ABC since it’s conception, I didn’t know camp or its culture.  When I drove our loaded mini van one route while David drove the truck and trailer another, I had no idea that we wouldn’t even be able to unload when we got there because we were being moved straight into a construction zone and men on ladders were scattered through the debris of wire, trash and building supplies in the basement apartment we were supposed to inhabit.  In the days of darkness that followed, I was reading the story of the children of Israel and their journey through the wilderness.  I wept with them in their loss of all that was known … their culture, their homes, and the leeks and onions of their former lifestyle.  I listened to their grumbling and with shame heard my own voice reflected over and over again.  But, I also watched as God provided for them over and over.  I watched as He fought their battles for them when they trusted Him.  I watched as He took them back, every time they lost their way. I saw a God who was the very essence of the Hebrew word chesed (faithful love).  I saw God’s faithfulness to Israel in light of His covenant promise.  And I knew the same God who brought the children of Israel through the Red Sea would be faithful to carry us through every day at camp.

I still get my dreams and obedience to God mixed up in life some days.  But I am also {slowly} learning to walk in the freedom of what He has called me to instead of being manipulated by the expectations of other people.  I am learning to dream without clenching my fists.  To embrace the life that is more than I mourn the life I wanted.

This blog is our story.  It is funny snippets from the mouths of boys.  It is pictures of the every day happenings in our life.  It is a peek into what life is like at camp.  But really, it’s His story.  His story of redemption and learning.  Of new dreams for us and making them come true.

Welcome here!