Chesed

This has been one of the most rotten weeks yet.  After three not-so-nauseous days last week I was sure I’d turned the corner early.  The weekend took a nose-dive and everything plummeted including my emotions.  Yesterday around 2 I seriously wondered whether I would keep myself in one piece the next three or four weeks physically and emotionally.

I woke up, once again sure that today would be better.  All it took to start the waves of nausea and lightheadness was to slide out of bed.  Groan.  By now I have become an expert at avoiding the frig.  We fix plates the night before and Adam can pull them out and pop them in the microwave.  In the morning, I turn my back, open the door and grope for the milk to fix cereal or hot chocolate.  If I’m really quick, I don’t smell or see anything. This morning that was still too much.  About the time I started heaving Adam raced for a Sprite from the case under the desk.  Between awful noises I gasped words to him about getting a cold one out of the frig and raced to the bathroom.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw him head towards the frig.  (Long ago I worried about traumatizing him when I start throwing up.  I need not have worried.  The first time I did it he thought it was so funny.  “Mommy what were you making?”)

When I finally flushed the toilet I heard him ask, “Are you feeling better?”  He was waiting just around the corner on the bottom step.  I asked him if he’d gotten the sprite.  “Well, it’s going to take awhile to get cold,” he said. 

“But, Adam, not that one.  There is a cold one in there.”

He went to look.  I gestured from 15 feet away and he finally found it.  “Don’t choke on this,” he said when he handed it to me.

Later over lunch I told him,  “Mommy is just so tired of being sick.   Are you tired of having Mommy be sick?”

“Yeah,” he said, “what are we going to do wif you?  I guess we’ll just have to take you outside, shake you off, and put you to bed in the grass.  But….den Goldi would just chew you up.”

If I thought it would help, I think I’d try it.

Life is made up of good news and bad news.

The good news is that I got to go shopping with Gina, Jo, and Emily last night and since Adam decided he prefered going along to chorus practice over shopping and eating at Panera Bread (along with a few other reasons like a LOT of willful disobedience in the early evening and a weary mommy) I got to go unattached to anything but my purse.  Apparently I was not quite attached enough to the money in my budgeted clothing envelope because I came home with a lot less of it.  I’d kind of like to blame Emily and Jo for that.

The other good news is that I have not gagged once this morning.  While that may not be newsworthy to you, it is monumental to me.  It predicts a very good, hopefully completely non-couch day.

The very best news is that Janelle is starting on her long trek home from Canada.  I am so excited I feel almost like a kid again.  But hey, when one of your best friends lives forever far away for a forever long three years, it is cause for some excitement.  Pray for her when you think of it.  They are on a 10 hr drive today to cross the border and reach Minneapolis.  Tomorrow, seven months pregnant and accompanied by her seventeen month old daughter, she flies out at 6:30.  I thought it sounded, at least, manageable, until I heard she doesn’t have a direct flight.  Instead, there’s a four hour layover.  She says it beats driving all the way.  I believe her.  I still don’t envy her entertaining Kiersten for four hours while trying to keep an eye on a stroller and a backpack.  So kudos to you, Janelle. You are one brave little woman. 

The bad news.  Sigh.  Our car has been little more then junk for over a year.  Every winter we try in vain to get the heater fixed.  They mess with it, charge us money, and it works for several weeks.  Then it doesn’t work again unless you are driving over 55 mph.  The air conditioner does the same thing in the summer.  None of the windows work except for the drivers side.  The alarm goes off for no reason whatsoever at the most inconvenient times.  Like when David Lee is in OH and Adam and I have just bravely gone to bed in this huge, dark house.  Or when I’m in town.  Come to think of it, there’s never been a good time.  And it does it every few weeks.And no, there is no remote to push from the doorway.  You have to go out and turn the key in the lock in the drivers side door.  Nothing else works.  The driver’s side door has a dent no one has bothered to fix.  The front bumper is barely hanging on.  The tape player works … but you now have to flip the tape manually.  CD player?  What’s that?  Adam’s car seat remains planted in the middle of the back seat.  Not on the side where it’s convenient because I don’t think either one of the side seatbelts would hold him in a crash.  Sometimes I’m not convinced the front ones would hold us.  David Lee thinks I’m a little cynical on those.  We finally got the rear view mirror glued back on after it fell off.  To the defense of the car, it is old and should be allowed to have some arthritis, wrinkles and maybe even a mini stroke.  And even though it is 16 and has nearly 200K miles on it, I admit, the engine doesn’t seem to lack for much.  What irritates me is that one month ago we took it in to the mechanic to get the brakes fixed (because they barely worked) and he said we had no choice but to replace the tires b/c there were exposed wires.  I said it wasn’t worth it and David Lee agreed at first.  The mechanic said, there’s nothing wrong w/ the engine, if you replace the tires you should get at least another year out of it.  He doesn’t drive that car like I do.  He doesn’t hear the axle rumble and rumble and rumble (are acuras notorious for bad axles?  We’ve replaced both front axles in the last 5 years and now one is grumbling again.)  He doesn’t hear it creak and grunt and complain (or wait, is that me that’s complaining???).  But since it’s our only vehicle (David Lee’s work truck is owned by the company) and we did not have the money to replace it, I agreed skeptically to shucking out $600.00 for new tires.  David Lee believed the guy more then I did.  Then again, he almost doesn’t drive that car except to church.  Now it’s in the shop again b/c the inspection is two months overdue AND because it once again overheats whenever you turn the heat on.  This time, instead of playing with things, charging us some money, and sending us out with heat for a few weeks, we’re sunk.  Or, I mean, the car is.  It needs a new water pump and a new timing belt (last time the belt cost us somewhere around $1000) and the car is probably not worth more then 6-800 without those issues.  Anyone want a car for parts?  Problem is, I’m not sure which parts.  Maybe the tires?  And even bigger problem, how do we get to SC for Thanksgiving next week? 

Oh dear, and now since Adam’s breakfast, paragraph number three is no longer true.  Sigh.  Maybe the mechanic will call today and say, April Fools.  No, wait, this is November.

Saturday night we had a lovely, cool, misty, dark evening.   Just perfect for candles in the windows and steaming mugs of hot chocolate.  I can’t wait for the holidays! 

At home we (almost) always had pizza and Coke for supper on Saturday nights.  David Lee’s family often grilled something.  I thought we’d do some of both; but more often then not, we grill.  It’s his day off so it’s easier for him to get the grill started earlier.  My favorite is when he puts a whole chicken (coated in olive oil and six pepper blend) on the rotisserie and I get to smell it for several hours.  Saturday he did a pork tenderloin marinated in a coconut milk concoction and rolled in nuts served with a pineapple salsa on the side.  In my non-pregnant body I think I would have ranted and raved.  As it was, it got “pretty good” marks.

My aunt Dorothy just called to see if David Lee could grill the ribs at my cousin’s wedding in December.  My mouth is already watering.

Do you have a Saturday night tradition?

The other day I took pictures of David Lee’s brother’s family.  We found this darling little church house built in the early 1900’s with a charming wood door and a lovely gate.  I find it amazing that 10 miles from a four lane divided highway you can find uninhabited charm like this.  And I find it more amazing that playing with a camera can be this much fun.

I think I’m getting fat.  This morning Adam suddenly grabbed my face, tickled under my chin, and said, “hey chummy (chubby?) chin, chin, chin.”

 Like I said, I’ve been tagged to post five random photos of myself.  Five?  Just five?  I mean, how can you condense 29 1/2 years of living into five snapshots.  I paged through pages and pages of pictures.  Baby pictures.  Playing church on the steps with Christy and Beth.  Missing front teeth.  Birthday parties.  Moving from SC to VA.  Adolescent awkwardness (that brought back a lot of memories of BEHAVIORAL awkwardness .. please don’t ask my mom for stories) … college textbooks, term papers, and furrowed brows.  Chipmunk cheeks from oral surgery.  Travelling to Belize and falling helplessly in love with David Lee.  Parasailing.  Hot air ballooning.  Hanging out at the beach.  Sleepovers.  Pinning.  Being awarded highest GPA of the graduating nursing class (a moment I spent three years working desperately for).  Graduation.  Travelling to Paraguay and Ireland and Belize.  CCU days.  Dating.  Getting married.  Pregnancy.  Baby days.  Working on our new house. 

I still don’t know for sure what caused me to choose the pictures I did.  Some of them are memorable life moments.  Some are simple moments in time.  Then again, some of the simple moments embody life, which is memorable in and of itself.  So here they are.  But don’t say I didn’t warn you.  There are probably 10 instead of 5.

4 months old.  Yeah, I came with hair. And had issues with it forever after.  I wonder if Mom wanted to document what I looked like in the morning when she took this picture of Christy and I and our cousins, Patrick and Christopher.  Then again, maybe it was the cute pajamas.  Or maybe we were just particularly sweet in the mornings.  My face sort of belies that thought.

  There really isn’t anything that outstanding about these pictures (except maybe my dad’s rain gear); but I found the page fascinating because it is pictures of me the same age Adam is now.  I wonder if he could have changed Christy’s diapers.  Yeah, probably so since he can get the washer and dryer going for me.  And could he have “read” memorized books to Christy?  Most likely he’d say long made up stories about the “work job.”  He just put my panty hose on the other day so that one looks vaguely familiar.  Somehow I think I look like a docile child in comparison.  I hope some day I will look back at pictures of Adam when he is three and think he looks docile, too.

Every time I see this picture it brings out every ounce of oldest, assertive, capable sister in me.  I can just hear myself explain to you that, “well, really, Christy didn’t ACTUALLY comb Beth’s hair.  She just played with it b/c Beth didn’t like how loose it was when Christy did her hair so when I got done I would usually just do Beth’s over again.”

I still laugh (check out my wide open mouth)and shudder at this picture.  Sheryl, Emily and I had just finished a fun sailboat ride and noticed these fisherman feeding some of their catch to a playful dolphin.  It looked like so much fun I asked if I could feed him.  They shared their fish. After I was done, they said the game warden arrests anyone feeding dolphins b/c it’s illegal.  I sent furtive backwards glances all the way to car.

No explanation needed.  Unless you really want to know how hard I worked and how good it felt to do this!

My life for a very long period of time.  (No, Mom, you probably should not look at that second picture again.)

Simple moments.  Happy days.  This summer I found poke berries.  They brought back so many memories of Sunday afternoon rambles with my family when I was younger.  We’d paint our noses with “Indian war paint,” pick flowers, identify birds.  The older we got the more we grumbled about leaving our books when Dad said it was time to go on a walk; but halfway through we realized we were having a lot of fun.

And one more photo with the one I love most of all.  Isn’t he gorgeous?

And now that I’m done, it really wasn’t so bad.  So with no ill-will whatsoever, I tag Amy, Katy, Gina, and Jo.

When we were growing up, we had “mom jobs” (like cleaning out the frig) and “yucky jobs” (different for different people) and “fulit jobs” (jobs that aren’t that bad once you just get to it).  I’ve been tagged to post five photos of myself.  I’ve already mentally picked out half the photos.  But I’m procrastinating horribly b/c it just seems like a lot of work to go find them in the dozen and a half photo albums, pull them out, scan them, find more Creative Memories photo splits, and reapply them to their respective spots.  If I’d just do it, maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as I think.  Then again…..

I’m sitting here in front of the computer wishing to do a million things and knowing full well that being vertical and moving will make me do things I wish very much not to do.  So, instead, I’m playing with pictures and counting days until I will feel like a normal person.  I’m also wondering just how dirty my house will get before it’s considered a health hazard to live here?  Too bad there aren’t actually fairies.

I think this must be my all-around favorite picture of Demetrius.  I love the ones with the suitcase and the hat; but something about this photo reminds me of a baby picture straight out of a turn of the century catalogue.

Adam loves to play with his trucks and I love to play with the time value on the camera.  The other night when I created this it almost scared me for a minute.  The lights were off in the living room and the picture on the back of the camera was eerily real.  Now in the daylight it looks more like a night scene on an interstate then a huge fire.

And of course, the babies! 

The next two are my favorite pictures of the last few months.  I’m thinking of getting cards made and keep toggling between the two.  Any votes?

Have a happy rest of the day ……….

Adam shows interest in the new baby by spurts and jerks.  He hadn’t said much of anything for a week and I thought maybe this “every day is a sick day” theme is just becoming a way of life for him.  Then last night he asked me again where my baby is and wanted to pat it before he went to bed. 

Today I was sitting on the recliner trying desperately to eat some leftover lasagna when he arrived for some bites.  “Is your baby liking this lasagna, too?” he asked. 

“Oh, yes.”  I said.

“My baby is, too.”  Then he added, “Do you want to feel my baby?”  I patted nicely where indicated and thought his baby seemed to be located a little far North.  He went out to the kitchen for a drink.  When he returned he said,  “Actuawy, I have 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11 babies in my tummy.  Well, some of dem are just in my ‘wegs’ (legs).”

 Fall is finally here.  The drought may keep the leaves from putting on the best in history show; but at least they are changing enough to give us splendid colors.  The temperatures are a little cooler and by next week it looks like we’ll be digging out sweaters and jackets in earnest.  And best of all, we’re finally getting some sprinkles of rain.  I hope those “heavy rains” turn out to be more then a prediction. 

Yesterday I took some pictures of Chadwick.  He and Adam had so much fun and laughter in the leaves afterward.  It almost made me wish to be three again.  Or at the least 29 and not feeling half-rotten.