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<\/a><\/p>\nIt is difficult to put into words just how relieved we feel since that visit. In reality, nothing changed. \u00a0But sometimes we don’t really know how much we need to hear words from someone with knowledge and experience until we receive them.<\/p>\n
It is<\/em> easy to recap the visit in words. \u00a0Zara saw the same neurology fellow, but a different attending. \u00a0I loved that he was very, very direct. \u00a0There were no minced words, no vague drawn out “wellllll …” phrases, and no questions hedged around. \u00a0They both checked her reflexes extensively and found them equal bilaterally so no sign of neurologic damage there. \u00a0They listened to her development and were pleased. \u00a0They watched the videos we’ve taken of posturing she’s done since her hospital stay.<\/p>\n In his words, “This is NOT infantile spasms. \u00a0We can tell that from the first thirty seconds of the EEG and from her normal development today. \u00a0At this point, we can watch and wait. \u00a0Some babies have the physical output\u00a0of seizures without significant EEG changes and sometimes they grow out of them and everything stays benign. (Of course we are hoping<\/strong><\/em> this is the category Zara belongs.) If anything changes … the intensity or frequency of the spasms, a delay in her development, or even that the spasms concentrate to one side (currently they flip flop and don’t look the same), then you need to call us right away.”<\/p>\n “How long will it be until we get in?” David asked thinking of the several month wait time we’d been told initially.<\/p>\n “She’s on our high acuity watch list. \u00a0She’ll be in right away.” (Obviously she’s not high acuity, just being watched that carefully.)<\/p>\n I felt such an enormous relief to know that we could actually watch something on the outside (her development) and have a accurate clue about what was going on inside.<\/p>\n In his very frank, decisive manner he continued. \u00a0“These movements that you are concerned about and that we are concerned about are not<\/em><\/strong> normal baby movements.”<\/p>\n Until that moment I had no idea how much I needed to hear him say that. \u00a0You know how it is, in our well-meaning way, moms\u00a0try to comfort each other\u00a0by saying things like, “Oh, all babies make wierd movements,” or “I think that’s just kind of her,” or “I didn’t see anything.” I wasn’t at all offended, just beginning to feel a little muddled. \u00a0After three babies, did we\u00a0still not recognize normal and abnormal?<\/p>\n I think if there was one thing I’d like to tell new moms it would be this. \u00a0Trust your intuition. \u00a0God made you a Mother and He gave it to you for a reason. \u00a0You might not have it right away. \u00a0For some, it comes more readily than others. \u00a0But you will develop it\u00a0in time. \u00a0It doesn’t mean you’ll never be wrong. \u00a0Goodness knows I took Adam to the pediatrician countless times for, “I think it’s just a virus,” visits. \ud83d\ude42 \u00a0Hey, who knew viruses shed themselves in the strangest rashes ever? It doesn’t mean you’ll never need input from others because sometimes we lose our perspective because we are too close to the situation. \u00a0But when you get that feeling deep inside, don’t be afraid to act on it. \u00a0My nursing instructors used to say, “There is no such thing as a dumb question.” \u00a0Well, I’m pretty sure there is no such thing as a dumb pediatrician visit.<\/p>\n For us, the clue is in the way Zara’s motions repeat spastically. \u00a0Bigger than that is the way it interrupts what she is doing. \u00a0When her arm jerks to the side and she goes on playing with the other, I watch to see what will happen, but I don’t feel anxious. \u00a0It’s when she jerks, or her torso spasms, interrupting what she was doing, that I watch and hold my breath, hoping this is not the time benign gets shattered.<\/p>\n