{"id":2629,"date":"2016-03-28T10:06:49","date_gmt":"2016-03-28T14:06:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.michellebeachy.com\/blog\/?p=2629"},"modified":"2016-03-29T19:43:11","modified_gmt":"2016-03-29T23:43:11","slug":"the-perfect-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.michellebeachy.com\/blog\/the-perfect-family\/","title":{"rendered":"The “Perfect” Family"},"content":{"rendered":"

For two months shy of ten years I was a mama in a boy world. \u00a0Trucks, bulldozers, fishing, fire fighting, jeans with big holes at the knees, hammers, astronauts … these were the language of my days. \u00a0I loved it.<\/p>\n

\"Feb<\/a><\/p>\n

When I was pregnant with Adam I realized that I was slightly terrified about being a mom to a son. \u00a0Growing up in a family of three girls, a boy world seemed so foreign. \u00a0I would randomly see these twelve year old boys and wonder, how in the world would I have any idea how to parent a son?<\/p>\n

Then he was born. \u00a0The world was foreign. \u00a0I was navigating toy aisles I’d never walked, learning boy language, and what made them feel strong and confident. \u00a0I built roads in the living room, drew up targets for BB gun practice, and searched the library for books that would help enlarge his world. \u00a0As he got older, I realized that being mom to a boy was really nothing to be afraid of even if I knew nothing about it before. \u00a0Boys don’t suddenly show up as twelve year olds. \u00a0We get to grow up with them, and because we do, we learn how to parent in stages, progressing so gradually from baby to toddler to preschool that we hardly realize how we are evolving along with them.<\/p>\n

\"Feb<\/a><\/p>\n

There were many days I wished I’d get to have a \u00a0daughter. \u00a0As Adam and Liam grew older and often went with David, I would remember the girls shopping trips, the times we’d sit around talking and laughing, or the times we’d do a fun project together when I was growing up. And then there were the Saturdays when my heart nearly burst watching two boys trail after their beloved Daddy … and it smiled a little bigger at the realization that I had a day to myself. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n

Two years ago, Zara splashed our world with pink. \u00a0While the transition felt surprising in some ways … just getting used to a baby world again was breathtaking \u00a0… \u00a0in other ways, it felt so natural. \u00a0Head bands, twirly skirts, toy strollers with\u00a0babies to ride in them, and tea sets.<\/p>\n

\"Feb<\/a><\/p>\n

When we found out we were expecting again, I realized I didn’t have as strong a preference boy or girl for myself. \u00a0But everything inside me hoped so very much that Zara would get to have a sister. \u00a0I know it’s a narrow perspective, skewed by my own experience of growing up with sisters; but I could hardly imagine life for a girl without a sister! \u00a0Five weeks ago, I got to peek at the darling little girl who was kicking around inside me. \u00a0Zara is going to have a sister!<\/p>\n

We were all elated! Even Zara who had no idea what all the cheering was about but whooped anyway because her beloved brothers were cheering.<\/p>\n

\"Mar<\/a><\/p>\n

What took me by surprise in the weeks following was how many people found out and then commented with, “What a perfect family.” \u00a0I’m still trying to figure out what I was feeling inside when they said that. \u00a0It wasn’t that I felt upset by the comment … I knew they meant that it was super cool that the boys each had a brother and the girls would have a sister and that it wouldn’t have been imperfect had we found out we were having a boy. \u00a0It was more a bumping inside of me.<\/p>\n

Long, long, feels like half a life time ago I remember struggling through the “perfect” family image. \u00a0When we got married life felt so perfect. \u00a0Then we had Adam and it felt like we were complete in a way we hadn’t even realized we were incomplete. \u00a0It felt so perfect. \u00a0Around Adam’s first birthday, I remember us taking a little walk down to the bridge and almost laughing inside at how we reflected the postcard image of family. \u00a0Dad, Mom, a boy and a dog. \u00a0But a while\u00a0later, our family didn’t feel so perfect. \u00a0Dreams and prayers and pleading for a baby didn’t bring answers. \u00a0I wondered if Adam would ever have a sibling and I begged God to please give him at least one. \u00a0I watched him play with little friends and then come home alone while they went away in twos and threes and fours, the party continuing even at home. \u00a0I tucked him into his big bed at night and watched him bravely live his little life alone.<\/p>\n

I tried to believe that our family was perfect for us, but it didn’t feel like it.<\/p>\n

Then the miracle happened and Adam had a baby brother. \u00a0The profound gratefulness I still feel for that gift is not diminished all these years later. \u00a0Our family was perfect. Or was it? \u00a0Their four year age gap felt tricky for awhile. \u00a0He had a brother, but it hardly felt like it. \u00a0Instead of curling up on the couch to read stories to the boys, I would read short books to Liam, then read chapters of another to Adam. \u00a0There were heart melting giggles at bedtime and older brother protection when they walked out the lane to watch for their daddy to get home. \u00a0But there were plenty of frustrating moments because playing ball was either no fun for Adam or dangerous for Liam. \u00a0Every game even remotely based in strategy was an instant win for Adam. \u00a0But in those years as I once again realized there very well may be no more babies, I learned to truly believe that our family was perfect because it was God-designed. \u00a0As I watched how dynamics differed in small families versus large families and especially how they differed based on sibling spacing, I chose to believe that God had designed our family to prepare our boys for the life that is ahead of them as adults. \u00a0I chose to believe that our family was perfect, even if it didn’t look like what we would have chosen.<\/p>\n

I still think I fully embraced that belief. \u00a0But the recent “perfect” comments made me realize that lurking in the crevices in my heart were feelings that didn’t feel perfect. \u00a0I wouldn’t have chosen to raise what sometimes feels like two families. \u00a0I adore that we got to experience babies again, but there are days when juggling two big boys and baby \/ toddler life feels like a stretch. \u00a0There are days when I struggle with wishing we could take the boys on the kinds of outings we thought we’d be doing by the time they’re this age. \u00a0There are days I feel guilty for the many naps Zara has to miss because homeschooling and being a toddler mom don’t always mesh. \u00a0My perfect dreams at twenty definitely didn’t include doing a pregnancy at thirty-eight.<\/p>\n

But you know what? They’re right. \u00a0Our family is perfect. Not because we have two boys and two girls, but because it is perfect for us. \u00a0In all its seasons. \u00a0In all it’s stages. \u00a0In the heart melting moments and the moments of juggling, it is perfect because He created it. \u00a0I’ve never known anything quite so sanctifying as the gift of motherhood. \u00a0\ud83d\ude09 Which is making me think that maybe God defines family perfection for us as mothers as much as He does for our children and how it will impact their future.<\/p>\n

\"it's<\/a><\/p>\n

So whatever your perfect or imperfect looks like, I hope you can find rest in the fact that the same God who ended each day of Creation with “that’s good” is defining your life with good, too. \u00a0Meanwhile, I’ll be over here in my corner, learning to believe that on a deeper level, too, thanks to friends who unknowingly revealed crevices\u00a0of unbelief in my heart; and wildly celebrating the parts that feel too perfect to be true.<\/p>\n

Much love, mama friends!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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