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<\/a><\/p>\nIt is so wrong. \u00a0So evil. \u00a0So horrific.<\/p>\n
But there’s an equally disturbing fire in my soul and I don’t know how to wrestle with it well.<\/p>\n
Somehow this all feels so much more complex and the questions circle around in my head.<\/p>\n
It is right that this new approach deserves a loud outcry, but why has it stirred so deeply for us? Is it because more babies are being killed or because it is harder for us to look at a full term baby being aborted than it is to know the morning after pill is a common thing or because we’ve kind of gotten used to the fact that first trimester abortions happen? \u00a0And if it’s the latter, do we really believe that all lives matter equally?<\/p>\n
I hear the outrage about women’s choice and how it’s all selfish and bring the baby to me. \u00a0I’ll love it. \u00a0And this is where it gets a little raw and vulnerable and I realize I’m a lot safer without the pregnancy induced insomnia where the words that bang around like “wrecking balls inside my head” stay inside instead of coming out in midnight blog posts. \u00a0I remember in nursing school before I had kids when they were talking about being on the lookout for child abuse injuries and I heard stories about people throwing their babies against the wall and I literally could not fathom. \u00a0Then I had a baby myself and for a few weeks he cried and cried and cried and cried some days like newborns do. \u00a0I was completely exhausted. \u00a0I couldn’t even go downstairs to eat or get a drink of water and I felt as though I would fall over and still he cried. \u00a0And in that moment when I could not bring myself to lay him down in his crib and let him cry for a few minutes to care for myself … because I just couldn’t even though I was falling apart physically and emotionally… I thought back to that long ago lecture and realized I finally understood why parents got to that point. \u00a0Never in a thousand years would I have considered it, but what if I hadn’t been taught what babies need? \u00a0What if I had hard days like that without resources on and on for days on end? \u00a0Tonight with the horror of that ruling like a black cloud of death above America, I bent over double from round ligament pain complicated by baby’s position, breathing through the pain as I helped the girls brush their teeth and get their pajamas on and tucked them into bed. \u00a0And I wondered, what would it be like to be a single mom needing to get up at five tomorrow morning no matter how I sleep and get my kids to daycare so I can go to work instead of listening to the boys finish up the dinner dishes as David roasts coffee beans. \u00a0Tomorrow morning I’ll sleep when my body lets me. \u00a0I thought about the nights when I toss and turn in misery or feel raw fear that I’m not going to be able to do this upcoming labor and delivery and the way David wakes up and holds me to pray rest over me and I wondered about that mama who hits the proverbial wall and just can’t do it anymore and there is no one to help her. \u00a0Somehow the words, “Bring that baby to me, I’ll love it” sound like hollow, echoing, painful arrows and I wonder why no one is going to them and supporting and loving them through a long, hard nine months? \u00a0Those babies matter so very much. \u00a0But what about their mamas? \u00a0Have you ever been in a really painful situation and it felt like no one wanted to get their hands messy to help you?<\/p>\n
I agree that there is politics and greed and horrific motivation behind this.<\/p>\n
But something inside of me always wonders, if Christians were actively loving, would this be happening? \u00a0What if instead of being incapacitated in horror we would ask ourselves what is abortion offering these women that they can’t find anywhere else and is there a way that we can help to offer that so they can be empowered to choose life?<\/p>\n