{"id":508,"date":"2011-11-28T15:16:00","date_gmt":"2011-11-28T20:16:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.michellebeachy.com\/blog\/monday-november-28-2011\/"},"modified":"2011-11-28T15:16:00","modified_gmt":"2011-11-28T20:16:00","slug":"monday-november-28-2011","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.michellebeachy.com\/blog\/monday-november-28-2011\/","title":{"rendered":"Monday November 28, 2011"},"content":{"rendered":"

Light My Candle<\/span>          Prayers in the Darkness of Miscarriage<\/p>\n

<\/a> <\/p>\n

Stephanie first contacted me about her book this summer with questions about self-publishing and marketing.  I was thrilled when she agreed to do a giveaway here, partially because I so much wanted an opportunity to read her book, Light My Candle<\/span>.<\/p>\n

The book came last week and that evening, I innocently sat down to read.  I wasn’t more than five pages in before I was crying.  I haven’t cried about our baby<\/a> for a long time.  Do I think about it?  Nearly every day.  Time really does ease the intensity of painful experiences.  I was surprised to find how much is still lurking in the corners of my soul.<\/p>\n

Stephanie’s first pregnancy ended in miscarriage.  She had a baby girl and then another miscarriage.  And finally, a second baby girl.  As she told me earlier, “Miscarriage is the subject of the book I have (somewhat accidently) written.  I never intended to write a book about miscarriage, but after my second one (miscarriage, not book), I realized that what I had written in order to cope with my pain could be used to minister to another woman’s pain.”<\/span><\/p>\n

How right she was.  Light My Candle is written free verse poetry style with snippets of Stephanie’s story interspersed to help you understand the emotions she writes about.  I love the way she addresses so many aspects of miscarriage.  The tremendous grief, the difference in the way men and women grieve, the difficulty of facing another women with a baby, and how others can show care; but even more, I like the way she addresses the less common.  Things like feeling as though you are a creator of death.  Feeling as though your body has failed.  The way your child is forgotten …. in a much greater way than someone who loses a living child or even a full-term infant.  <\/p>\n

I’m going to put a few excerpts here because I don’t think anything I say will give adequate credibility to the beauty and depth of what she has written.  Stephanie, if you read this, thank you from all of us for sharing your heart with this much vulnerability.<\/p>\n

One paragraph from “Try Again” on page 44:
Try again?<\/span>
     Babies shouldn’t be<\/span>
            an assignment gone wrong,<\/span>
                     a redo —<\/span>
                an erased mistake<\/span>
                               painstakingly reworked.<\/span>
They should effortlessly awake<\/span>
            beneath their mother’s heart<\/span>
     in the sweet afterglow of love.<\/span>
A little heart should quietly find it’s rhythm<\/span>
      and thump out its promise of life<\/span>
                                 to come,<\/span>
                                        to stay.<\/span>
We shouldn’t have to “try.”<\/span><\/p>\n

And another paragraph from “Our Loss” on page 90:
Instead of being <\/span>
             a fountain of life,<\/span>
    I have become a funeral pyre<\/span>
          on which two have been borne<\/span>
                            into eternity.<\/span><\/p>\n

And the one I’ll probably never be able to read without crying because it describes me.<\/p>\n

Moments<\/span>
It was a moment<\/span>
              captured in the sunshine and laughter<\/span>
     of a little girl<\/span>
  and two puppies<\/span>
                   tumbling across the lawn.<\/span>
          Unbidden<\/span>
came the thought:<\/span>
          you should be here, too,<\/span>
       in the sunshine and laughter.<\/span>

It was a moment<\/span>
              hidden deep in the night shadows<\/span>
       as I tucked a blanket <\/span>
    under a chubby chin,<\/span>
                    whispering lullabies to my baby.<\/span>
               Unbidden <\/span>
  came the thought:<\/span>
            you should be here, too,<\/span>
        in the night shadows.<\/span>

It was a moment<\/span>
              woven in the tapestry of my day.<\/span>
       I watched her face<\/span>
  as she discovered something new,<\/span>
                   and I knew wonder again.<\/span>
              Unbidden<\/span>
 came the thought:<\/span>
           you should be here, too,<\/span>
       in the tapestry of my days.<\/span>

It was a moment<\/span>
             encircled in the warmth of family.<\/span>
       I sat beside my love<\/span>
 and she played at my feet,<\/span>
                  and all was as it should be.<\/span>
               Unbidden <\/span>
 came the thought:<\/span>
          you should be here, too,<\/span>
       in the warmth of family.<\/span>

These are the moments<\/span>
            marking the passing of time.<\/span>
     I am in the midst <\/span>
               and whirl of life,<\/span>
                      when suddenly I think of you.<\/span>
              Unbidden <\/span>
  is this thought:<\/span>
       you should be here, too.<\/span>

But you are in a better place,<\/span>
                 and somehow;<\/span>
   I imagine you standing,<\/span>
                      tiptoed and smiling,<\/span>
       peering through a pearly portal<\/span>
                between our world and yours.<\/span>

You watch us<\/span>
        in this harried, hurried life,<\/span>
               and sometimes,<\/span>
I think, I hear you whisper; <\/span>
            “Oh, Mommy,<\/span>
                 you should be Here, too.”<\/span><\/p>\n

               *****************************************
Stephanie is giving away one copy of her book.  I will close this giveaway on Friday, December 2<\/span>.  To enter, please leave a comment on this post.  Linking to your blog or facebook will give you a second entry (leave a second comment please because I’m using a random number generator).  I thought of putting stipulations on who can enter, but decided at the last minute not to.  But can I ask that if you win you would consider loaning your copy freely with friends who experience a miscarriage?  There is something powerfully healing about reading words from another woman who has walked a similar journey of pain.  I also tried to decide if it would be kosher for me to enter my own giveaway because I’d really like to keep the book myself.    I won’t; but that should tell you how much I like it because I’m trying not to acquire things that need to be packed and moved next summer.<\/p>\n

To order your own copy<\/span>, email Stephanie at lightmycandle{at}abcmailbox{dot}net
The book retails for $11.95 plus 6% sales tax for PA residents.
Anyone who mentions the giveaway when ordering gets free shipping.<\/p>\n

And just for fun (why does that word sound so out of place in this post), if I were currently giving the book to a woman experiencing a miscarriage it might look something like this:<\/p>\n

<\/a> <\/p>\n

*soft throw because she’s going to spend a lot of time on the sofa longing for physical and emotional healing
*chocolates … although this would depend on her experience.  I was so nauseous from the crazy high HCG levels with my molar<\/a> that a Coke would have been much nicer
*something symbolizing hope.  I keep this card visible in my kitchen even though it can barely stand on it’s own from water damage.  My friend Cindy sent it on the mail with my due date and the most powerful, but simple words inside.  I needed the comfort of her words inside in those dreadful, dark days.  I need that message of hope every single day since.  And so it stays.  Reminding me to believe.<\/p>\n

I was going to include a box of tissues and forgot until I’d already taken the picture.  I was absolutely showered with gifts of love during my miscarriage.  Among other things, there were beautiful flowers delivered to my door over and over from friends far away and from family.  At least three times I received pink tulips …. it was so perfect because not only are they almost my favorite flower, they symbolized hope to me.  The way a bulb dies and bursts into bloom every Spring.  The color pink … reminding me that happy days would come again.  A far away friend I’ve only met once sent little pink shoes and a hair clip because her girls were sure it was a girl (love them!  I always think of the baby as a girl now) and books for each of the boys.  Liam has wanted that story read so many times … a story of a little girl and her mommy’s lost baby.  And one friend sent a lovely card with a tea bag inside.  It was so sweet and thoughtful.  Twice someone brought cookies.  Meals appeared which was beyond nice because I was still so nauseous I had a hard time cooking.  So I know that many of you already know how to reach out with love.  But if you’ve ever wondered, claim ignorance no longer. <\/p>\n

Oh, and the other day someone asked what I’m getting out of the giveaways and I suspected others are wondering, too.  The answer is nothing, unless you count trips to the post office and I hadn’t been having withdrawal symptoms concerning those.  There are many people who helped me along the way with writing my books and I simply wanted to share the love and keep the circle of giving going.  And if you’ve authored a book or know someone interested, message me.  I would be happy to feature your book here.<\/p>\n

*************** This giveaway is now closed *******************<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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