So if our family decided to put out a monthly comic strip, this is what it would look like. In words, since I haven’t yet figured out how to draw on xanga. Most of these are from Liam. He has finally found his funny bone. Although I’m realizing that half his funniness comes from his tone of voice and incredibly dramatic eyes. So if you’re not an aunt or a grandma, you might get bored. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.<\/p>\n
Me: Did you go to a meeting with Daddy last night?<\/p>\n
Liam: Ah (yes). Daddy back in dat duck. Dur’in day, “OUCH.” (Daddy backed into a truck and Durlin said, “ouch.”) You have to know Durlin to make this funny. That is exactly what he would have said, and Liam said it in the exact tone of voice he uses!
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After a late night, he grouchily appeared at the top of the steps.<\/p>\n
“Mommy, darry me.”<\/p>\n
Me: “No, you can come down by yourself.”<\/p>\n
Liam: “No, me daid (afraid) me dall (fall) off.”<\/p>\n
I promise we do have handrail. This child is a master of manipulation.
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Before Christmas he was carrying his Christmas gift around. <\/p>\n
Liam: “Dis my ‘appy birfday? … Dis one Adam’s?”<\/p>\n
So I would go through and explain, “These are daddy’s, these are yours, these are Adams ….” There were none for me because David was picking up my gift a few days after Christmas. Liam processed this a minute and then said, <\/p>\n
” ‘ou need af ‘appy bir’day. ‘ou need doe ‘al-mart.” (You need to have a happy birthday. You need to go to Wal-mart).
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Two year olds throw fits. The good news is, they give them up easily, too.
One day when he threw one I told him he needed to be sweet because we were going to Grammie’s house. He had an instant mood change and said, “I deel ‘ittle bit ‘appy now.”<\/p>\n
Another day I tried a new pair of pants on him. He was beyond pleased. “Dese fit me ‘ittle bit!” he kept saying. As soon as I took them off, he threw a royal fit and insisted on putting them back on. With eyes so big they nearly went vertical and a face full of indignation he said, “Dese fit me ‘ery (very) much.”
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In January, I would rumble and grumble around with nausea. I didn’t realize how much Liam picked up on things til he opened the frig door and whined, “dere’s nothing to eat….”
As things got worse I found myself praying and groaning aloud. It was all I could do to function at all and walking into a grocery store was an absolute nightmare. One day I arrived and simply laid my head on the steering wheel, groaning wordlessly, trying to muster up the strength and courage to go in. And from the back seat I hear this little voice, “Dedu need ‘elp ‘ou?” (Jesus need help you?) I snickered a little, remembering how often I would groan (I thought under my breath), “Jesus, PLEASE help me.”
Me: Yes, Liam
Liam: “Ou day, Please, Dedu ‘elp me.”
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Liam is an over the top all around daddy’s kid. Seriously, I thought Adam was bad. Liam makes Adam’s daddy idolatry pale. One Sunday morning we were running late for church and David was getting ready to run for the shower and I was going to get Liam dressed. Liam got wind of this and could not believe we were stooping this low. I explained that Daddy didn’t have time. No good.
Liam: “Daddy dan dower den ‘e dan dange me. ‘Ow ‘ill dat ‘ork?” (Daddy can shower, then he can change me. How will that work?)<\/p>\n
David jumped in to help me out. “No, Liam, daddy doesn’t have time.”<\/p>\n
Liam — in absolute disgust: “Daddy is a MESS.”
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His lack of consonants makes everything he says that much more endearing. Like when he says, “Oopsy Naisy” instead of oopsy daisy. Or his expression when he says, “OH. MY. DOO NESS.”<\/p>\n
But the bossiness takes the cake. We’ve been working on him with table manners. He had this bad habit of using his left hand to shove food into his mouth if his spoon didn’t quite get it. David was teaching him to keep his left hand in his lap so he wouldn’t be tempted to start shoving it into his mouth. One night he got his bossy lips look and let Adam have it.
Liam: A’am. ‘ou dould put ‘ou o’er ‘and in ‘ou ‘ap. Dee my ‘and? (waves left hand for Adam to see then places it back in his lap.) Dee ‘ow I do it? Dye it. Dat is NOT dood manners.
(Adam, you should put your hand in your lap. See my hand? See how I do it? Try it. That is not good manners.)<\/p>\n
Or the time David told Adam to go feed the chickens and Liam immediately turns to Adam and says, ” ‘ou do ‘at daddy dold ‘ou. Doe deed du dickens. ‘urry up. Doe dickly.”
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And then there was the night I made red wine steak and mashed potatoes. This didn’t go over too well. He does not like potatoes. But he doesn’t react to them, so we make him eat them anyway. In all seriousness he looked at us and said, “Me dan’t eat my mashed toes betuz me have diaweah.”
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One day we followed a school bus and at every stop I pointed out how the lights flash yellow and we slow down then they flash red and we stop and then we can watch the children get off. (Nothing like education on the run, you know.) The next day we were following a bus that was not dropping anyone off. Liam watched for awhile and finally he said, “Dat bus need new batties.” (batteries)
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I miss Adam’s quips. He is at school so much of the time, it feels as though I hardly hear him talk. The other morning he was looking out the window before school.
Adam: “Mommy, this winter is just not very successful. There just are no big snows.”
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But the funniest story of all was not Adam or Liam and it was wordless. It was one of those nights during the three week darkness as I’ve come to call it. I was often awake with cramping for several hours at a time. David would wake up intermittently, ask if I’m okay or he could do anything, and then go back to sleep. I sat there, hunched over in the darkness about 3:30 in the morning. He woke again, rubbed my back for awhile, then rolled over to go to sleep. Just as he rolled over, the rooster in the back yard crowed. David leaned over, smacked the snooze button on his alarm clock, and sank back into dreamland.<\/p>\n
I was in too much pain to laugh at the time, but the next afternoon when I told him, we both went into gales of laughter. You’ve just got to love subconscious actions.
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What’s funny at your house?<\/p>\n
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